Category Archives: Zombies

Your Favorite Horror Icons — Now In IKEA Form

 

vorheesWhile it might seem like Jason Voorhees — the silent, masked killer from the Friday the 13th movies — has a knack for being everywhere at once, you can’t have a mass-produced Jason in every home in America at a reasonable price. Yet.

Since Hollywood can constantly “re-imagine” horror franchises for new audiences, Illustrator Ed Harringtonhas reworked a number of horror film icons, including the beloved Jason, into IKEA product… complete with faux-Swede names.

For example, to make your own Vörhees, you’ll need one drowned person, a machete, a hockey mask, and an allan wrench.

For the Cenöbite (Pinhead variety) from the Hellraiser films, you’ll need one human, a puzzle box, one hammer, one scalpel, 50 nails, and an allan wrench.
cenobyte

Then there’s the Brundlefly, which apparently already sounds vaguely IKEA-ish enough. For this, you’ll require one human, one fly, two teleportation pods, and — what else? — an allan wrench.
brundlefly

Both the Vörhees and the Brundlefly advise against involving any sexual activities with these terrifying IKEA products. With the Vörhees, it could be fatal; with the Brundlefly, it could lead to horrifying dreams and an unwatchably bad sequel.

Speaking of unwatchably bad, we have — we think wisely — omitted Harrington’s IKEA diagram for a Hümån Centipedë (hint: it also involves an allan wrench), but you can see it and others on Harrington’s Tumblr orInstagram pages.

[via AVclub]

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Police: Funeral Home Got Evicted, Left 8 Bodies Behind

 

(CBS DFW)

Two weeks ago, a funeral home in Fort Worth, Texas received a “notice to vacate” letter from their landlord, and they moved their business from the premises. The problem is, some customers were allegedly left behind. By “customers,” we mean eight people who are deceased were found in the building. Now the mortuary is being treated as a crime scene.

 

The brothers who own the business insist that they haven’t done anything wrong. The confusion, they told CBS Dallas, is the fault of their landlord, and all of the bodies were embalmed and waiting for their final disposition. “I have some embalmed bodies back there, which ya’ll had seen them bring out,” one of the owners told a reporter. “They were already in the casket; already had a funeral [and] one was ready to go to Nairobi.”

Police continue to investigate the situation, whether it’s a misunderstanding or not. The unattended deceased are now in the care of the county medical examiner’s office, which is trying to identify them. Families who believe their loved ones may have still been in the funeral home when it closed have been asked to contact the medical examiner.

Fort Worth Police Find Dead Bodies Inside Vacant Funeral Home [CBS Dallas]

Home Sweet Fortress

This House Is Probably More Secure Than Most Nuclear Silos

What amazes me about Safe House—a Polish home designed by Kwl Promes Architects—is that it manages to be a beautiful family residence while offering a security level probably comparable to the White House’s situation room. It borders paranoia.

Just go through the gallery and notice all the details: The bank vault-thick doors and windows; the retractable bridge that joins the house with the indoor swimming pool; the giant metal door that shuts all the house’s front down (and serves as a movie projection screen, apparently).

And yet, despite being a fortress when it closes at night, it’s retains a beautiful airy spirit while it is open to the world. [Kwk Promes viaFreshome]

HYUNDAI ZOMBIE SURVIVAL MACHINE

hyundai-zombie-machine-xl

HYUNDAI ZOMBIE SURVIVAL MACHINE

Why buy a beat up van to ruggedize for the apocalypse when you pick up a new ride right off the showroom floor? While it’s unlikely to appear at dealerships anytime soon, the Hyundai Zombie Survival Machine ($TBA) is certainly ready for any undead action that comes its way. Based on the Elantra Coupe, it features a custom zombie plow — complete with spikes — out in front, armored window coverings, a roof hatch, a trunkfull of weaponry, floodlights in the front and back, spiked all-terrain tires, wheels with spikes for clipping nearby walkers, and an all-important CB radio system. After all, you don’t really expect your cell phone to work during the end times, do you?

An Evil Alarm Clock That Only Uses the World’s Most Annoying Sounds

An Evil Alarm Clock That Only Uses the World's Most Annoying Sounds

When you’re staring down a day filled with work meetings and deadlines, there’s usually not much motivation to roll out of bed in the morning. So by blasting you with terrible sounds like drumsets and fog horns, this G-Buzz alarm clock uses negative reinforcement to make heading to work seem like the lesser of two evils.

An Evil Alarm Clock That Only Uses the World's Most Annoying Sounds

At just $30 it’s cheap enough to justify using alongside your smartphone’s alarm clock, and with a powered USB port on the back it’s worth keeping on your bedside table for charging your phone overnight. It’s also got FM radio functionality for those living in the stone age, and a handy ‘shake to silence’ feature that lets you silence its annoying alarms with whatever uncoordinated motions you can muster at the crack of dawn. [G-Project via Chip Chick]

How To Make Your Very Own Zombie

By  (@StewWriter) on October 27th, 2011 If horror movies have taught us anything (oh, and they really have), it’s surely that Zombies can occur anywhere, anytime, for any conceivable reason. Like the recently re-born (har har) Vampire craze, the screen’s love of a good Zombie movie has faltered very little from its early days of the classic Romero ‘Dead’ series. Oh sure, they’ve tossed in hyperactivity (Zack Snyder’s ode-de-Romero), selective intelligence (Romero himself with his calculating lot from ‘Land’), and even small cases of obedience (Fido), but the basic blueprint remains relatively unchanged: re-animated dead person (or damn near dead) shuffling the countryside killing the living. But how would one, say, in any given circumstance (see: want), create a Zombie for one’s self? Well, luck for you, there are numerous and varied ways a person can have a member of the living dead working for him or her. Let’s explore, shall we?

Create a Virus

resident-evil-zombieHow hard could this be, really? There are millions of virus strains floating around at any given time, so, hire a professional and have him or her get to work! Many of the hundreds of Zombie films have given us a great deal to go on with this plan, so let’s turn our attention to a few. First of all, the classic Video Game-turn-Film Franchise,Resident Evil. As it turns out, each and every viral mutation in this collection of media all started with the very basic, Progenitor Virus. Yes, sir. Thanks to this bad boy and its tragic mishandling, hordes of the dead have become a blight to Raccoon City and the surrounding Zombie Gang 28daysareas. Nice job, science guys! Or, what about the Rage Virus? Yep, straight from 28 Days Later (and 28 Weeks, as well as the 2011 release of 28 Months) we now know that you don’t even have to be dead yet to be turned into something eerily similar to a Zombie. And these bastards are quick! With a body full of the Rage Virus you get the convenience of being alive (for a while) and still hungering for humanity! Go viruses!

Toxic Substances

return-of-the-living-dead-tar-man-brainsAsk around, it’s not too difficult to locate a surplus of toxic waste. If it’s another fact we’ve gleaned from film it’s that enormous barrels of oozing and deadly toxic liquid are pretty much strewn around willy nilly. And this is the stuff you really want to get your hands on to create some exceptionally nasty Zombies. Remember the hazardous chemicals that gave us not only the basis for Return of the Living Dead, but also the great a wonderfully creepy Tar Man? Yeah, that stuff was called 2-4-5 Trioxin and it was not screwing around. Those Zombies were just plain mean! Perhaps you’d prefer a nameless zombie-deadairsubstance to keep your dirty, dirty fingerprints off the plethora or paperwork. Oh, we’ve got you covered there, too! In Dead Air, the Zombie masses are brought to life by a wicked Toxic Viral Gas (nasty) and in C.H.U.D., those subterranean freaks were mutated (in surprisingly similar to TMNT fashion) by Toxic Waste dumped into sewers. So, chud-2get your hands on some 50-gallon drums of this shit, and the living dead will beat a path to your door. Literally!

Military Weaponry

planet terror

When it comes to creating some of the nastiest substances around for the sole purpose of mass destruction, it’s hard to look much further than the Military. For years, chemical weapons have served history’s desire of eradicating the opposition all in the name of Natural Selection (see: War). Agent Orange, Mustard Gas, you name it: if it could be stored in a facility and eventually dropped or sprayed all over an unsuspecting population, the Military made it. But few have been so wantonly destructive as DC2, the wicked chem’s from Planet Terror. Not only did this stuff make you a card-carrying member of the walking deceased, but it rendered your poor body lousy with boils and pustules. Awesome. Or, strangely, if you Heavy Metalhappen to be a pilot in a crippled fighter plane on a broken runway and you’re suddenly hit by a Loc-Nar training plane full of… something, you, too can have a mess of re-animated dead soldiers on your hands just like in the B-17 episode of Heavy Metal. Yay, Military!

Human Diseases A

zombieland_zombie_clownbit like viruses, but more along the lines of being ‘food borne’, this particular way of getting yourself your own Zombie is spread by disease. In the new mega-hit, Zombieland, the general populous of earth has been infected by a mutated version of Human Mad-Cow disease simpsonsturning them into blood thirsty, brain hungry living dead. As always, there are always small pockets where, evidently, people are safe from the disease, but they’re never all they’re hyped up to be. Oh, and if you caught this past Sunday’s Simpson’s Tree House of Horror XX, Springfield gets turned by bad diseased meat from Krusty Burgers. So you see, a disease is really a great way to go to infect a ton of people. Get some today!

Serums, Sauces, Words, and Voodoo

Re-Animator3If all else fails, you’ve got a few more options that don’t include the ‘we don’t really know’ reasoning behind such favorites as the entireRomero saga. First off all, find a mentally unstable and vindictive research medical assistant and ask him to create a serum to return dead flesh and muscle to life and maybe mix it with a brain juice called Neo Plasmic pontypoolEnergy just like Herbert West from Re-Animator! Or, why not get a little bit of Worcestershire Sauce like the boys from South Park, that might get those Zombies going! Words you say? Well, according to Pontypool, words can turn evil by taking on meanings they were never meant to have, thereby turning folks (by speaking alone) into ravaging monsters. And finally, the old Hatian stand-by, voodoo just like in The Serpent and the Rainbow. SouthparkNow, with these different ways, you, too can have your very own Zombie hanging around your house doing menial tasks and inadvertently slaughtering everyone who wrongs you just like Fidoor, to some extent, Shaun of the Dead. Have fun!

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